Swirling Into Circles

I keep running into this symbol--the swirl.  For the past 4 years or so, I have been really attracted to this symbol as one of perpetual change and transition.  It is NOT complete; it is not whole.  That’s how I felt for so long.  The swirling represented my own self-journey.  But I have also noticed that I have come across the complete circle more and more.  It signifies an integrated and whole self.  Think of the mandala and Jung.  Just the other day I wrote, “My journal has also become my art notebook.  What a great indicator of an integrated life. Fonda, you are so changed, and I love who you are.”  In the past I would have had a notebook for my studies, a notebook for my diary, a notebook for notes.  Now I just have the one book.  It’s easier to carry one book, but it is also a sign that my thinking has changed, that it is less compartmentalized than in the past. 

I know.  The circle is a basic and so naturally ubiquitous shape.  Of course I run into it.  I guess more importantly, I notice it more and more.  I am open to seeing the whole. 

I am not saying I am completely changed or completely whole and integrated.  Only that it is becoming more clear to me that the change is occurring (and I sometimes thought it might never occur), and the world seems to validate that for me.  Or rather, I find validation in the world around me.

Case in point.  I have been thinking that I want to recover more and more of my playful side. The other day a group from the hostel went to see the castle in Montjuic (The Hill of the Jews).  As we are the steep slope to the park, we find a playground, musical instruments out of wood and rubber that require you to physically throw yourself into playing.  We ran, we jumped, we slid, we played like little kids with a new playground before us.  And I thought, Fonda, you wanted to play, and here the world has given you play.  When we reach the top of the hill the plaza is decorated with patterns of circles from old glass bottles.  the old becoming transformed.  Synchronicity.  It tells me that I am making the right choices.  It tells me that I am on the right path. 

I also notice that I think differently on this trip than on previous travels.  Usually I really enjoy thinking about the past, ruminating on old injuries and joys, marinating in the juices of all that has happened in order to understand how to be different.  I have tried that this trip, and I find it fairly boring.  I am reminded of Feist’s song, “Past in Present.”

The scarlet letter isn't black
Gotta know who's got your back
Because they're right in front of you
Because they're telling you the truth

So much present inside my present
Inside my present so...so much past
Inside my present inside my past
Inside my present
So, so

Feeling it from dark to bright
When a wrong becomes a right
When a mountain fills with light
It's a volcano, it's a volcano
It's a volcano, it's a volcano

So much present, inside my present
Inside my present
So, so much past

Inside my present, inside my present
Inside my present
So, so much past

Inside my present
Inside my present...
So, so much past

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4NLSnEE5ME&feature=related

I have enjoyed the past being inside my present.  But not so much anymore.  I have reconciled a few things this trip BUT not in the brooding, dwelling spirit I have known before.  More and more I find it…boring.  It is a quiet wonder for me that it is my present and future I prefer to think about more and more. 

Here's to more present in the present and to embracing the circle.  Integrating the swirl.